Mother I Sober

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mother i sober

[Verse 1: Kendrick Lamar]
I’m sensitive, I feel everything, I feel everyone
One man standing on two words, heal everybody
Transformation, then reciprocity, karma must return
Heal me, secrets I hide, buried in these words
Death threats, ego must die, but I let it purge
Pacify, broken pieces of me, everything was blurry
Mama cried, put hands on her, it was family ties
I heard it all, I should have picked up a gun, but I was only five
I still feel it weighs on my heart, my first hard decision
In the shadows clinging to my soul as my only critic
Where is my faith? I told you I was a Christian, but not today
I transformed, praying to the trees, God takes shape
My mother’s mother followed me for years in her afterlife
Watching me in the back of some bus, I wake up at night
I loved her dearly, traded my tears for a Range Rover
Transformation, you didn’t feel heartache until you felt it sober

[Chorus: Beth Gibbons]
i wish i was someone
Anyone but me
Ooh, I wish I was somebody
Anyone but me

[Verse 2: Kendrick Lamar]
I remember looking in the mirror knowing I was gifted
Only child, me for seven years, everything for Christmas
Family ties, they accused my cousin, “Did he touch you, Kendrick?”
I never lied, but no one believed me when I said “I don’t”

Frozen moments, I’m still holding on, hard to trust myself
I started to rhyme, face mechanisms to elevate
Talked to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myself
He has an aura, I hope to reach it, if I find help
Congratulations, made famous, I still feel uneasy
Look at the water, live my life in nature, only thing relieves me
Spirit guide whispers in my ear, tell me she sees me
“Did he touch you?” I said “No” again, they still didn’t believe me
My mother’s brother said he took revenge on my mother’s face
Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can’t erase
‘Til that day I can’t look her in the eye, the pain takes over
Blame me, you never felt guilty ’til you felt it sober

[Chorus: Beth Gibbons]
i wish i was someone
Anyone but me
Ooh, I wish I was somebody
Anyone but me

[Verse 3: Kendrick Lamar]
Never been stoned, never been drunk, never lost my mind
I need control, they gave me smoke, but I still refused
I made it sober sitting with myself, been through all the emotions
No dependents except one, let me bring you closer
Drunk, there’s a lustful nature that I failed to mention
The insecurities that I project, sleeping with other women
Whitney is hurt, the purest soul I know, I found her in the kitchen
Asking God, “Where did I get lost? And can it be forgiven?”
Broke me, she looked me in the eye, “Is there an addiction?”
I said “No”, but this time I lied, I knew I couldn’t fix it
Pure soul, even in her pain, know that she cared about me
Gave me a number, said she recommend therapy
I Asked My Mom Why She Didn’t Believe Me When I Told Her “No”
I never knew she was raped in Chicago, I’m sympathetic
Told me she was worried it would happen to me, for my protection
Though it never happened, she wouldn’t agree

Now I’m touched, twenty years later the trauma has resurfaced
Amplified as I write this song, I’m shivering cause I’m nervous
I was five years old, questioning myself, alone for many years
Nothing’s wrong, just results on how these questions made me feel
Came home, seven years on tour, chasing manhood
But Whitney’s gone, by the time you hear this song, she’s done all she can
All these women gave me superpowers, which I thought I was missing
I pray that our children don’t inherit me and the feelings I attract
A conversation that goes unaddressed in black families
Devastation, Haunting Generations, and Humanity
They raped our mothers, then they raped our sisters
Then they made us watch, then made us rape
The psychotic torture between our lives we did not recover
Still living as victims in the public eye that swear allegiance
All the other brothers have been compromised
I know the secrets, all the other sexually abused rappers
I see them everyday burying their pain in chains and tattoos
So listen carefully before you start to pass judgment on how we move
Learn how we are doing,
every time his uncle had to walk him home from school
His anger grows deep into misogyny
It’s post-traumatic black families and sodomy, today it’s still active
So I released myself from all the guilt that I thought I had made
So I freed my mother from all the hurt she called shame
So I released my cousin, chaotic for my mother’s pain
I hope Hykeem made you proud ’cause you don’t die in vain
So I released the power of Whitney, may she heal us all
So I set our children free, may good karma keep them with God
So I free hearts filled with hate, keep our bodies sacred
As I release all the abusers, it’s transformation
[Chorus: Beth Gibbons]
i wish i was someone
Anyone but me
Ooh, I wish I was somebody
Anyone but me

You did it, I’m proud of you
You broke a generational curse
Say “Thank you daddy”
Thank you, dad, thank you, mom, thank you, brother
Mr Morale

[Outro: Sam Dew]
Before I fall asleep, love me for me
I bare my soul and now we’re free

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